YOU KNOW YOU'RE ADDICTED TO THE COMPUTER WHEN:
- You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your
e-mail on the way back to bed.
- You don't know what sex three of your closest friends are, because
they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
- You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be
enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
- When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very
disappointed to find that it's on TV.
- If while driving down the street, you are confused by the
numbers on the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate WWW addresses.
- When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather Service
Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out the window.
- When you start using phrases like: Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home.com.
- If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW site.
- If you can type your top 10 favorite Web sites, by heart.
- If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36
hours.
- If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because
you're exceeding 300 hours a month connect time.
- If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular
phone in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect
it to take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.
- When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.
- If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
- You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you
just pulled the plug on a loved one.
- Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You
start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access
number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. And you succeed.
- You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
- You start introducing yourself as "JohnDoe at AOL dot com."
- All of your friends have an @ in their names.
- Your cat has its own home page.
- You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem.
- Your bookmarks take 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
- You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
- You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
- Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
- Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a
second phone line so the two of you can chat.
- Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
- Your virtual girlfriend finds a new net sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.
- As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the
"undo" button
- You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
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