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Jokes! If Men Truly Ran The World
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If Men Truly Ran The World...

  • Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
  • Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the butt and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
  • Birth control would come in ale or lager.
  • Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
  • St. Patrick's Day would be celebrated every month.
  • Garbage would take itself out.
  • The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle."
  • Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."
  • Tanks would be far easier to rent.
  • Two words... "Ally McNaked."
  • When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop :"Nice one, That's $10.00 off".
  • People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
  • Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
  • Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
  • The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
  • It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
  • Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!"
  • When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
  • Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."
  • The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
  • "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night," would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
  • At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
  • Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

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