The following statements about the Bible are said to have been written by
children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has
been left in).
- The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
- A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
- Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the
animals come on to in pears.
- Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
- The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble
with the unsympathetic Genitals.
- Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a
Jezebel like Delilah.
- Samson slayed the hilistines with the axe of the
- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
- The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses
went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.
- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
- Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to
stand still and he obeyed him.
- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with
the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
- Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
- When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna
- When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found
Jesus in the manager.
- Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
- St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others
before they do one to you.
- He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
- It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get
the tombstone off the entrance.
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
- One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which
is another name for marriage.