Jokes! Moms and Dads

***I gotta go*** A loaded mini van pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork." The father replied, "I have a system; no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."      ***Mom's Dictonary*** AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to make love again. DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster. FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him. GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings. PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours. STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it. TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas. TWO MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises. VERBAL: able to whine in words WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house...      ***A Poem for Moms and Dads*** Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my sanity to keep. For if some peace I do not find, I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind. I pray I find a little quiet Far from the daily family riot May I lie back--not have to think about what they're stuffing down the sink, or who they're with, or where they're at and what they're doing to the cat. I pray for time all to myself (did something just fall off a shelf?) To cuddle in my nice, soft bed (Oh no, another goldfish--dead!) Some silent moments for goodness sake (Did I just hear a window break?) And that I need not cook or clean-- (well heck, I've got the right to dream) Yes now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my wits about me keep, But as I look around I know-- I must have lost them long ago!      ***Being A MOM*** One day a man comes home from work to find total mayhem at home. The kids were outside still in their pajamas playing in the mud and muck. There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around. As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table, and a small pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing, and a lamp had been knocked over. He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she may be ill, or that something had happened to her. He found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked "what happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what I did today?" "Yes", was his reply." She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!"

	Greeting Cards  -  Poetry  -  What's New  -  Site Map  -  Partners  -  Free ecards  -  Games

Jokes page copyright © 2000- tcastle.com