- If you receive an e-mail entitled "Badtimes", delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
- It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
- It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
- It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses sub space field harmonics to scratch any CD's you
attempt to play.
- It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
- It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's number.
- This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
- It will drink all your beer.
- It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
- Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and belly button fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.
- It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
- It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.
- It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and scurvy.
- It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings
which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
- If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
- It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
- It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.
- It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles. It is insidious and subtle.
It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
- It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
- These are just a few signs of infection.
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